I tried a weeklong fruit cleanse, here’s how it went 🍉

What do you do when it’s sizzling hot, you’re a year behind on your bikini body, and your banking app tells you halfway through the month that you’ve reached your maximum budget? You go on a fruit cleanse. With no prior experience.

Day 1: So, why are we fruit-fasting?

My friend does fruit cleanses all the time for reasons that are much more spiritual and intentional than mine.

My fasting reasons were: “Oh, I always wanted to try” + the heat + the lack of an exciting restaurant scene in Tulum.

If there was ever a time I was going to make an attempt, it was now. Having decided on this genius experiment only eight hours prior, I biked to a fruteriafirst thing in the AM. I bought a gigantic watermelon, three mangos, and a honeydew melon.

�

Then I thought about why I’m doing this. Committing and then doing the research = me in a nutshell.

Fruit fasting helps to detox and gives your metabolic organs a chance to rest and renew. Fruit is high in water and flushes out waste through the kidneys. You’ll see temporary water weight loss (yay) and nutritient loss (nay).

Lots of numbers twos, as fruit is digested easily. 💩 You’ll feel hungry, but the fructose will provide energy (bursts). You should expect to feel weak after a few days of fruit fasting.

Sounds, reasonable enough? Reading through Quora, I found more cons than pros. Maybe fruit fasts are a three-day thing, not a weeklong affair. Which means I can ease into it today. I swap dinner for melon and go to bed early.

Day 2: A half-ass attempt

I went to the coworking with a box of sliced melon, which would hold me over for likely two hours. Of course, we didn’t think that through. 🙃

In true Tulum style, the power cut off in the afternoon. We switched to a nearby café, which happened to be a bakery, which happened to have freshly baked empanadas. What’s one empanada on a starving stomach? I ate two (with zero regrets). Then drank an espresso tonic.

Which led me to my next question:

Black, unsweetened coffee doesn’t break a fast, but it’s best to refrain from coffee (even decaf) because cafeine is a toxin. However, matcha can help with weight loss and detoxing. Sadly, no one drinks straight matcha for fun.

For dinner, I had a negroni sblagiato. I’m pretty sure Google is gonna say that’s not allowed.

Day 3: A slightly better attempt

I started strong with a mango, then headed to a café for some office hours. I ordered water at first but caved for an oat milk latte (a treat in this economy) after my belly started rumbling and I still had two hours of work left.

For lunch, I ate a Chobani. The kind with the little peanut butter cups. I could have cut more watermelon, but this tasted better. What were 180 calories, anyway? This mindset is why I’m so blasé about any health-related goals. I think in calories, not what’s happening inside my body. My diet mindset is one of a 90s supermodel—replacing dinner with a dry martini and thinking that’s perfectly healthy because it’s fewer calories.

For dinner, I had a big plate of watermelon. I tried to sleep early but didn’t doze off until 3 AM.

Day 4: An almost perfect attempt

At 6:30 AM, I was awake again. I cut up more mango and watermelon, then opened my laptop to write a freelance article about lead magnets.

Whether it was the lack of sleep or nutrients, my English was nowhere to be found. I mixed up the word conversations with conversions and my sentences were wonky AF. Luckily, the deadline wasn’t until after the weekend.

I drank a matcha *cough* latte followed by an iced espresso. Then I ordered an overnight berries and oats bowl because there was no fruit-only dish on the menu. Could I have asked? Yes. Did I want to? Not really.

As an appetizer to my watermelon dinner, I had a mango-carrot-orange-ginger smoothie from an overpriced but very vibey coworking: Alma Verde Tulum. I wasn’t hungry, but I did feel low on mental energy. This day called for a 9 PM do not disturb.

 

Day 5: This watermelon never ends…

I cut up more watermelon and realized how freaking HUGE this thing is. When does it end?!

So far, the pros are that I feel light but not hungry. I’m surprisingly energetic for the sleepless nights and little food I had. I don’t have any carb cravings (weird), but I would love to eat a smoothie bowl (even weirder). The cons are that I need my brain today, so let’s see how that goes.

As soon as I sit down at Alfonsina (a great spot to work from), I started yawning like my life depended on it. I ordered a mint tea and decided that life’s too short to be weak, so I got the chia bowl too. And then a side of grilled chicken.

My body finally caught up with the fact that we’re actually starving…

At this point, I’m not sure if we can still call this attempt a juice cleanse, but I do know that my pants feel looser and my brain found the secret chamber where my English writing skills were hiding. I finish my freelance blog on my protein high and eat watermelon for dinner.

At night, I go dancing and decide to wear a tight dress that’s uncomfortably short, but very modest considering the general Tulum dress code is ass cheeks all day.

I’m not gonna lie, this watermelon diet got me feeling like a whole snack bay-beeeee. Not being carb-bloated makes up for my questionable mind earlier. Brains and beauty, can’t have both, it seems. JK.

Day 6: Surprisingly, still not over watermelon

The only food I can eat daily without complaining is a fresh baguette, with salted butter. It’s the result of being raised with bread for breakfast, lunch, and yes, sometimes also dinner. Dutch culture, our practical genes run deep.

So to my own surprise, I still didn’t hate watermelon on day six. Which was good, because I only got half of this baby down until now. I wake up at 8 AM, get a flat white at noon, and munch on watermelon at 4 PM. Where the fuck is my hunger?!

Day 7: We came, we saw, and somewhat conquered

Turns out, my love for watermelon went as quickly as it came. On day seven, I felt a huge craving to spend time with my main boo, mister Carb.

In an attempt to end my fruit “fast” on a high, I opened the fridge. I stared at the other half of my baby, the watermelon. Then I closed the refrigerator and walked to Botanica Garden to eat a toast with chicken salad. Now this was food.

The good and bad of a fruit cleanse

Would I do it again? Yes, but for a day or two. Three, maximum. No, three with a slice of bread.

Did I feel better in my body? Physically yes, mentally no.

Did I save money? Absolutely yes.

Did I give it my 100%? Lols.

What’s next? Especially in warm climates, it’s nice to swap meals for fresher options like smoothies and bowls. The plan is to take a break from watermelon, but continue eating light meals. I like the idea of having fruit days every so often. Just no more weeklong attempts, porfis.