Seven days of becoming a sweaty, confident summer girl

On the self-image scale, I’m a six-and-a-half. On the BMI scale, a consistent “overweight.” On the actual scale, a kilogram amount that doesn’t budge below thenot-so-lucky number seven.

Over the years, I’ve gotten more self-confident. A mix of hitting your thirties, a personal cheerleader (my ex)who consistently rallied for my curves, and realizing that if “cute cocktail bars” and “exploring eateries” are among your top interests, losing weight likely isn’t.

You learn to love what you’ve got. You bare your stumpy legs. You get some upper-arm ink and wear those sleeveless tops. And on a great day, you might even peek-a-boo the belly button!

So yeah, I was on a good path. Until I arrived in Tulum.

I’m sweaty AF, and not okay

Before Tulum, I was in Mexico City. The keyword here is “city”. Cities call for layered outfits, skincare routines that involve foundation, and people with places to go.

But beach towns? Beach towns are a societal utopia.

Bikini bottoms function as pants. Bras haven’t been invented yet. Legs and arms are never covered, bellies barely. And everyone seems to be live love laugh—humidity and all.

And then there’s me, surviving at best.

I welcomed a permanent sweat stash. My hair is mood-swinging between lifeless waves and surprise greasiness. The 60+ Pilates classes I’ve done this year made mefeel stronger, but notlook stronger. And the humidity has me uncomfortable and constantly desiring to starfish on my bed—sans partner.

Action plan: How to have a hot girl summer ft. Drake

This humid haven will be home for the next weeks, and I’m determined to thrive in it too.

This week, I’m on a mission to lookand feel the part.

Alexa, play Drake.

Step 1. Nails done, hair done, everything big

Phase 1: Exploration

The goal is to look betterau natural. I’m starting with a fresh mani—an easy and affordable confidence boost. After extensive research(aka me reading the first three reviews), I opted for Beauty Nails.

Then the hair. “Just tie it and call it a day” would be a good idea… if I didn’t cut a shag with baby bangs right before I got to Tulum. One morning, I woke up panicking if I’ll end up alone and that same afternoon, I told the hairdresser we’re doing something drastic. Classic. ☠️

So, we’re fighting the humidity by bobby-pinning the bangs sideways and making beachy waves with temperatures my sizzling hair does not appreciate. Then dry shampoo for SOS grease, apple cider vinegar (ACV), and frequent hair masks for some TLC.

Phase 2: Affair

Surprisingly, the hair might be the least of my problems. The Chi hairspray from my local Sally’s is a curl-holding champ. And a cap will always save the day, and protect my scalp from overcooking.

To combat grease, I tried the Inkey List salicylic acid as a pre-shower treatment but noticed no difference. ACV, save me please.

Phase 3: Verdict

The nails and technician were a hell yes. Between her Mexican Alexa refusing to play Jill Scott and her replying “OHH gustan pancitas”🫃 after telling her in my toddler Spanish that Tulum dudes are too buffed, the whole session was low-key hilarious.

For hair care, I diluted five parts water with one part concentrated ACV and massaged it into my scalp fifteen minutes before showering. My hair felt squeaky clean. Maybe this would keep my hair fresh longer.

Then I listened to The Everygirl Podcast and learned I was doing hair all wrong. What a humbling episode.

I learned so many hair facts I did not know:

• Treat your hair like your face. Use products with ingredients that you know from your skincare
• You can safely wash your hair daily today. Back in the day, they all contained sulfate
• It’s normal for fine, limp hair to get oily the day after… unfortunately
• Rather wash than dry shampoo, as it sits on your scalp and blocks the follicle
• Scalp massages are a hell yes but you have to do them regularly (aka daily) to see results
• Hair masks are awesome but ONLY work on clean, wet hair. So not as a pre-wash on dry hair
• Always end with conditioner to close the follicle, making the hair less fragile
• Use hair masks as a conditioner on bleached, dry hair—no need to leave it in for minutes, just rinse
• Scalp serums help with moisture and cell turnover (e.g. vitamin C)
• Removing all silicone from your hair routine will uncover your natural texture after a few weeks
• Mineral deficiencies show in hair (shredding) and nails first because they’re inessential, so nutrients are taken from there first
• Irish sea moss for hair is highly recommended!
• To limit hair damage, wet your hair before going into salty or chlorine water
• Topical caffeine is better than rosemary to promote hair growth
• There’s no way to “create” more hair if you’ve never had it, so don’t believe any promising products

Step 2. Chillin’ with no make-up on, that’s when you’re the prettiest

Phase 1: Exploration

Next, my glowing disco ball of a face. My research starts by asking the TikTok girlies.

There were many mentions of e.l.f.’s sticky primer and c/o’s setting spray. L’Oréal’s waterproof infallible bronzer made an appearance too. Using powder is promoted, but not on sweaty upper lips to avoid having your foundation crumble and crease. Actually, ditching foundation and using CC cream instead seems like the way to go.

A few promote antiperspirant lotions or serum deodorants, but that seems like a classic case of “things Americans do that are long forbidden anywhere else.” So maybe not.

Phase 2: Affair

For a summer-proof face, I’m trying:

• Isle of Paradise: 3 drops mixed with moisturizer, rubbed in thoroughly
• E.l.f. power grip primer
• E.l.f. dewy coconut setting mist
• Erborian CC cream in Doré
• Rare Beauty liquid highlighter

Phase 3: Verdict

Yeah, so no. I barely walked 15 minutes in 32-degree heat (90s °F) and while the make-up was still somewhat intact, my motivation wasn’t. My skin felt sticky and clogged, screaming to be wiped with an ice-cold towel.

We’re moving on to plan B:

• Get a hand fan and wave excessively, often
• Ditch everything, except for the CC cream and setting spray
• Use self-tan overnight to wake up with a better bare face
• Avoid mirrors. I know I’mdrenched glowing, no need for reminders
• Browse random shops with AC to cool down mid-walks(pharmacies are icey)
• Give up on my daily 10K steps goal and bike everywhere 🚴‍♀️

I also caved and bought this vital green crystal deodorant. No one died of Pop-Tarts either, after all.

Before starting my half-hour midday walk, I put some on my T-zone and guys… I might be sold?! 😱

If I were American, I’d title this article “I tried crystal deodorant on my face and it CHANGED my life!”

The honest Dutch review is that I did notice a difference. A big one, actually. While I know it’s an unfavorable solution, if this face deodorant trick gets me through the day I’m here for it. My armpits also stayed dry and neutral-smelling all day. Winning!

Step 3. Know yourself, know your worth

Phase 1: Exploration

My friend and I passed a party with Fine(capital F)men and ladies wearing ensembles that highlighted all their best assets. Hesitant to join, we decided to keep walking and eat tacos down the road instead.

Halfway through my taco al pastor, I told my friend how this horde of pretty folk made me feel overwhelmed, unworthy, and doubting my style—which has always been more tomboy than girly.

“Why did I not confidently walk in there, feeling like I too deserve to be there?”I wondered out loud.

The next day, I still didn’t have an answer.

I complained to my therapist, to which she said: “Why are you choosing to believe you don’t belong? No one told you that. Stop talking yourself down and choose to hype yourself up.”

Again, there’s no comeback to that.

Insecurities are such a dumb thing. They’re fabrications of silly beliefs rooted in false facts. Which got me thinking, what makes me do a double-take on a man? 👀

Superficially, it’s great hair, a unique style, or a bright smile. It’s never a specific height or weight.But the real head-turner is someone’s energy. The silly guy who’s unbothered and having a blast on the dance floor…mmm, baby, baby 💦

So let’s pull a UNO reverse. I can be that magnetic, today. Without the skinny legs, bronze tan, new wardrobe, or whatever else my ego thinks we need to bethat girl. Inherently, I know that beauty isn’t a none-size-is-all but seeing influencers in the wild can really mess with you.

Phase 2: Affair

For this to work, we need two things: A lot of champagne and a little cleavage.

The first because in intimidating spaces, my introverted self makes up all sorts of excuses, and bubbles temper this self-aware narrator that lives in my head rent-free(the audacity).

The second because my go-to look is Steve Jobs’s signature outfit. But instead of a trillion-dollar business, I accidentally built a way too independent woman. Or rather, wo-man. The masculine energy is energy-ing.It’s time to rebrand into my soft, feminine era. Lord knows I can do with a few less turtlenecks. 💁‍♀️

Phase 3: Verdict

The original idea was to dress up, get boozy, hit town, and tell you about it. One week later, it still didn’t happen.

Clubs and crowds. I’m all about it in Mexico City, but the FOMO is somehow not FOMO’ing in Tulum.

Instead, I swapped some Hinge selfies for ones that more accurately showed my downgraded Tulum self and unpaused my profile.

I matched with a British boy, even though lads on tour are my favorite type of gringos to take the piss out of. The way they move in groups of five, all wearing the same football shirt, buzz cut, and translucent legs. Oi mate, go on then.

But considering I still needed a husband (pronounced huuuus-band), I said yes to meeting for drinks.

He picked me up in his Jeep. He was charming and silly, yet thoughtful and authentic. He took the lead. Gave me an impromptu driving class. Had me giggling all night. Mocked my R-words but complimented my brain. And got me a ninja turtle flask to take home.

🎬 [Quick intermission] 🎬

As I’m writing this, a huge bulky guy appears behind me.
He walked from across the street to the café I’m at to chat me up… what a G. I love a real-life flirt.

OK, back to Jeep man innit…

He felt familiar, which I didn’t think was possible after my last relationship. He reminded me that everything will be okay. Starting over is scary, but when you come across a decent man who ticks a ton of your boxes, you feel a little less scared.

Maybe the dating pool is not that dry, after all. I still have low expectations, but I’m bringing out the pompoms to root for myself… 🤸‍♀️