I practiced the art of doing nothing—being alone with my silly thoughts

I spent the last six hours coworking, surrounded by lovely people. Now, I’m back in my apartment, by myself.

Up until an hour ago, I was having a perfectly great day. But as the sun went down, restlessness arrived in its full glory.

An unwanted guest that keeps overstaying its welcome.

Even after years of solo travel, FOMO and anxiety come by most nights to remind me that I’m alone, every night alone.

Most nights, I find silly reasons to leave the house. From getting café de olla two hours before bedtime to buying a single hair mask or browsing Walmart to see if there are new Chobani flavors (there never are).Then it’s 11 PM and oops, my to-dos will have to happen tomorrow.

While Dora the Explorer got into many unexpected adventures and keeps an impressive pedometer track record, my vision board self is oh-so disappointed. This girl is dying to:

• Read books on a big ass velvet couch
• Work on side projects that make her a millionaire
• Listen to jazz while doing arts and crafts
• Reach Spanish DuoLingo levels that go past ordering tacos
• Learn Wale’s part in Just Get Here (whatever I just rapped was NOT it)
• Or at the very least, spend time at home without going apeshit

So for this weeklong affair, I’m practicing doing nothing. For at least 30 minutes a day.

No to zaps. Yes to being with the mind

Remember that study where people rather receive electric shocks than be left alone with their thoughts?

Well, I might be that weirdo that zaps herself for funsies. 😬

After waking up, I listen to podcast episodes. I get ready with affirmations. I catch up with my friends’ lives during commutes. And then I work. Or socialize. Or dance. Or eat bread. There’s never a moment where I do absolutely nothing. And I’m scared as hell.

But once you pass the uncomfortableness, the quiet mind:

• Enhances creativity
• Boosts productivity
• Promotes clarity and focus
• Helps to self-reflect

Free Adderall, basically.

Day 1: Walking from point to point in my room

Ever heard of inner walk?

Yeah, me neither, until a friend brought it up when I talked about my experiment.

Founded on Koh Phangan by a Buddhist monk, inner walk is a meditation practice to understand your confusion, delusions and projections—and how to release it. Instead of trying to quiet the mind, you invite the chaos in and learn to be with it. More in this video on inner walks.

During an inner walk meditation, you walk to a point, make a U-turn, and walk back.

Walking from point to point connects you to the movement. Each time you get to one side (probably a wall), your mind “wakes up” from its wandered-off dream state because there’s physical danger ahead. And that’s good for concentration and awareness.

The truly enlightened walk 4 hours for 4 days to maximize mental and physical suffering and minimize thoughts. Sadly, I’ve got bills to pay, so I’m starting with 30 minutes. Walking up and down my room with no sounds other than the 7 AM birds.

Day 2: The Dutch concept of “niksen”

When I thought about doing nothing when sitting on my bed doing nothing, I remembered we have a whole ass word for this in Dutch: niksen. And that I grew up with the Jedi Master of niksen, my dad.

Countless times I saw him sitting on the couch, waiting for the clock to hit 4:50 PM so he could pick up my mom. No TV, no phone, no music.

I always found it fascinating. A waste of a perfect moment to squeeze in a Wordle, browse home hacks, research gardening tools or do whatever dads do. But maybe at 66, you’re done doing. You know that joy comes from watching real birds, not angry birds. And that not every breathing moment needs to be filled.

Day 3: Don’t mind me while I stare at birds

For today’s practice, I got inspired by a girl who made a TikTok about an Instagram that recapped a blog article. Inception at its best. She talked about the importance of window-staring:

“The point of staring out of a window is, paradoxically, not to find out what is going on outside. It is, rather, an exercise in discovering the contents of our minds. It’s easy to imagine we know what we think, what we feel and what’s going on in our heads. But we rarely do entirely.”

Let’s see if that’s true. *sets alarm to 30 minutes*

OK, I’m back. 🙋‍♀️

Was it mind-blowing? Maybe not. Did the 30 minutes go by much faster than on day one, yes!

I did spot Casper the Ghost in the clouds and debated boys and blog ideas. I came up with many new writing topics and hardly any ideas on how to not have mini feels for a boy I saw twice. Fml.

Day 4: In which I perform a musical

During each practice, I’ve felt urges to talk to myself out loud. I can’t decide whether it’s normal, loneliness, or an early case of dementia. But whatever it is, we’re rolling with it.

Today, I’ll sit on my bed and talk out loud. The hypothesis is that I’ll get to think more deeply, a thought solely based on the many “Wait… am I… onto something?” realizations I had when rambling into my phone to record life podcasts for my girls. I figured I bother myself today.

Thirty minutes later, I’m saved by the bell.

I expected to yap away as usual, but instead, my brain went: “WE’VE GOT TO DO THIS IN SPOKEN WORD.”

So here I am on this big-ass bed, “spitting truths” like I’m the star of my own musical.

My one-man show toured all the places I visited in 2023. I reminisced about Vietnam and a man that I met there that still intrigues me. So when I got out of doing-nothing-jail, I slid in his DMs. After a YEAR! 😩 Lord, send help.

Day 5: We’re back to walking (and it was worth it)

Considering yesterday’s practice resulted in me shamelessly sending a “yo, how you been” text, we’re taking a safer route today. I’m scheduling thirty minutes of point-to-point walking and I’m NOT allowed to brainstorm any more silly plans.

Which, I didn’t. In fact, I might even have had a revelation. 💡

I began my walk with gratitude. After a while, I ran out of ideas. I knew it was time to stop when I started thanking my turtle hand fan.

With a decent amount of time left, I figured I could think of the copy for this blog. And that’s when my brain went TIME OUT, lady.

This happens often. When I cue myself to think about something specific, I freeze. The response is not now, which makes no sense. We’re not trying to figure out life, we’re just trying to come up with words that probably only my sister-in-law (an OG cheerleader) will read.

So what makes thinking about this so hard?

I wondered if it had to do with being Dutch but doing life in English. I think, dream, and write in English because that’s how I communicated for the past 16 years. I low-key forgot about Dutch. But maybe processing thoughts is meant to be done in your mother tongue?

Day 6: Lekker in het Nederlands schrijven

The last time I journaled in Dutch, my entries started with “Dear diary”… so it’s been a while.

At first, I couldn’t quite find the words. But then my brain turned into a lane filled with positivity. ✨

I wrote about my self-worth. About the life that I created. How I’m thriving in my career, finances, creativity, friends, and family. I thought about my travels and the cute homes I stay in, paid for with money I earned with my brain and saved up with my discipline.

I giggled at my daily adventures and the endless funny stories I can share. I applauded myself for being down to earth, funny, genuine, ambitious, self-sufficient, patient, thoughtful, level-headed, and likable. A girl’s girl who follows up on her word and cheers her friends on.

I’ve said this for the past 4+ years, and it’s my BIGGEST accomplishment:

If I were gone tomorrow, I’d have had the richest, most amazing, wholesome life. I giggled for most of it. I collected the best humans around me and chose the most loving family. This life of mine, it doesn’t get better than this. I truly believe that. Every day has been a celebration!🍾

Realizing all of THAT reminded me I need more of this:

Day 7: A cross-legged moment(sss) of silence

We’re closing off strong with 30 minutes of meditation. I truly kept the best for last.

Sitting with your eyes shut evoked the most “Are we done yet?” moments of all days. I had a shimmer of total bliss but felt the urge to check the time and give up at least five times. I finally did, at minute 28. I’m more of a walker, I think.

So, what do we think about doing nothing?

Did I have some noteworthy realizations? Somewhat, but not more than on any other week.

Did I feel less anxious at night? Yes! Candles, soulful tunes, and sleeping early helped a lot too.

Did these thinking sessions lead to silly decisions? Also yes, but luckily he replied. Now we’re hearting each other’s stories, very wholesome.

Did I feel more creative and focused? Oh hell yeah. But is it Tulum or this… I can’t tell?

Do I think my brain is weird? Absolutely yes.

Will I continue? I think so. I like knowing that whenever I feel a little anxious, I can just pause life and let time pass by. Often, it’s not so bad afterward. Quieting the mind also makes me sleepy and too lazy to go anywhere. Saving money and sleeping well, I’m not mad.